


Hiraeth

by Black_Rabbit



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5144381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Rabbit/pseuds/Black_Rabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Libra knows it is too late -he knows he cannot have her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loss

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a one-shot request I took on for a friend... but I've decided to separate it into chapters.

If only they had met under different circumstances… in another life. Perhaps then, he would have gotten the ending he desired…Or if he’d made more of an effort to be truthful to himself…

But… would they have even crossed paths had there not been a war going on around them? It seemed unlikely whenever he pondered the matter. It was exactly that which had brought them together –the raging whirlwind of war. Without it they would have remained strangers forever and gone about their lives unaware of the other. He would have gone about his life blindly devoted to Naga

 

And it scared him… for he could not imagine his own existence without hers now. She held a place in his heart right beside the god he’d fervently devoted his life to. Her very presence gave him life and he’d naively clung to the belief that her friendship was all needed.

 

She’d given him stability when he needed it most… and he’d returned the favour with as much enthusiasm. It only seemed natural to return the kindness she’d shown him. It was after many discussions late in the night he’d realized that they’d become each other’s lifelines in times of peril and sadness. He’d offered her friendly advice when she needed someone to listen and in turn she always kept her ears open for him. Their entire relationship had been built on the notion of giving back to the other.

 

Libra sat at his makeshift desk in thought, having long ago forgotten what it was he’d intended to do that evening. He adjusted the blanket on his shoulders with a sigh, pulling on the material of his black turtleneck when it grew uncomfortable against his skin. Then his eyes settled once more on the paper in front of him. The drawing in front of him was a mess of colour and held no specific meaning anymore, or none he could possibly fathom. The lines were harsh and ragged, thick and ugly. What in Naga’s name was he doing? Releasing a sigh he’d no doubt been keeping in and brushing stray hairs back, he attempted to refocus on the work at hand.  

 

But there was very little he could do as he slowly came to the conclusion that it was futile. The lines were beyond repair and he could do nothing to mask them. He sat back with frown and wondered why he’d even bothered.

 

“Knock, knock!” a cheerful voice sounded from the entrance of his tent, dragging him back to reality once more. “Hope you’re decent, I’m coming in!”

 

The war monk turned just in time to see the army’s tactician jump into his tent with a wide grin. She waved at him as she closed the seal before proceeding to the small cot in the corner she’d made for herself. He couldn’t help but chuckle at her overall dishevelled state, hair hanging loosely with leaves and twigs tangled in it as well as her overly large coat that practically fell off.

The army’s tactician worked late into the night and often found herself tripping over roots and rocks due to the lack of light. As such, nature seemed to stick to her and her clothes on a daily basis and the smell of pine faintly lingered over her wherever she went. It was a distinct scent that suited her far more than flowers and fruits. 

 

As Libra watched her movements, he felt heat rising to his cheeks and the need to avert his gaze away from the girl. He placed his hands together and silently prayed to Naga for forgiveness…the thoughts he held for the tactician had begun to cloud his mind and leave very little time for the God.

 

“I brought food!” She exclaimed suddenly, surprising him out of his thoughts as she reached inside her coat.

 

“You’re too kind,” he smiled, “But you should keep it for yourself, I’m not very hungry…”

 

“Nonsense! You need to keep your strength up here!” the girl frowned, as she couldn’t seem to find whatever it was she searched for. The look of deep concentration on her face was quite amusing to the monk. “It is my duty to keep you all alive and healthy.”

 

His heart sunk; once more he was reminded that her feelings were of nothing more than friendship. She made routine visits to almost all in the barracks –staying and chatting for hours with some, Libra had come to realize that her actions around him were nothing abnormal to her. The girl expressed her worries to him, but it didn’t mean she didn’t do the same with another.

If it wasn’t his tent, she was often found sitting in Chrom’s. The two conspired all sorts of plans for combat in the night and Libra often found he needed to remind himself that it wasn’t out of the ordinary. It was expected of her to discuss war tactics with their commander. Out of everyone in the army, the prince had known the mysterious tactician the longest. He’d been among the first people she’d seen upon waking up in the middle of an empty field.

But it bothered him.

When she stepped out of their commander’s tent the next morning, Libra couldn’t help but wonder. What was their relationship? To the rest of the army, it seemed as though they’d come up with their very own answer in the way they acted around the two. The monk would watch their knowing glances and hear their teasing snickers as he trudged through the camp.

Neither Chrom of her denied any kind of involvement –but it wasn’t like anyone actually addressed the matter in any straightforward manner. But the way the prince regarded her… he was an open book and did very poorly in hiding his emotions. He would always emerge right after her, concern etched into his features, as he would wrap an arm around her shoulders.

 

The monk always seemed to lose the nerve whenever he wanted to approach the subject with her, fearing the relationship they had would shatter into a million pieces and she would leave him. It was no business of his to ask about her personal life. They were nothing more than comrades in arms with the same goal of restoring peace. Nothing more. 

 

“Libra?” she murmured, concern in her eyes as he slowly dipped his head. “Are you sleepy?”

 

“Exhausted,” he admitted quietly. “Utterly exhausted.”

“Oh…” she inhaled. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come to bother you.”

He felt a lump rise in his throat. “You never bother me.” It was the truth.

 

“Still, I should go.” The girl rose to her feet, wobbling a little. She gave him an uncertain smile as she neared the tent flap, “You need to rest. I’ll go make my regular rounds.”

 

He remained silent as he listened to her gather her things, his eyes glued to the ugly monstrosity in front of him. The thick dark lines began to morph into something resembling a face and dark eyes that stared right back up at him. Somehow the more he looked at it… the more it resembled him. Or rather it reflected his inner feelings and self. The bitterness, anger, self-hate and every dark emotion he held.

_Jealousy_.

_Greed_.

It would consume him. He would most definitely go mad.

 

“Don’t leave me…” he whispered, the girl whirled from her place at the exit with wide eyes. “Please…” _Don’t go running to Chrom._

Libra was a very selfish man and would most certainly suffer for it later. But the pain of being abandoned, left behind, was still very much a fresh wound in his soul.

She walked over to his desk when he turned back towards his work and felt the stinging of tears threatening to break through. He couldn’t look away from the thing he created. It was him. He was staring down into a mirror of himself. It beckoned a gross finger at him, whispering dark words to him.

The feeling of her hands on his shoulders, gentle and hesitant, startled him. Normally he would have never allowed anyone to touch him. But, the more he’d interacted with the girl… the more comfortable he grew. He almost welcomed her brief, lingering, touches now.

She peered over his shoulder to get a better look at what he’d created but he quickly shoved all his books over it in an attempt to hide. She could not see it. He closed his eyes upon feeling her breath against his ear. Even though she’d be unable to figure it out –Libra somehow feared she would somehow see right through him.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly, “you seem troubled.”

It seemed as though many of their conversations started like this but Libra found in that particular moment, he could not answer her. What was he supposed to say? Would he be so selfish, so as to impose his thoughts on her? Her business with Chrom was none of his.

The monk leaned away from her, unknowingly exposing the scars on his neck. It only dawned on his when he felt her hands retreat and a loud gasp escape her lips. Libra drained of colour and instinctively brought his hands up to cover whatever she’d seen as he turned away from her.

The scars were hideous. They served as a constant reminder of his past, and the mink often wished he could make them disappear.

 

“Libra…” she whispered, “why don’t you come sit with me?”

“I already know what you’ll ask me.” He laughed, rather bitterly, and he noticed the girl move towards the corner where the cot was. The tone of his voice had certainly bothered her, but she didn’t allow it to show. She plopped down, rather unlady-like, and patted the empty place beside her. Beckoning him to join her.

 

“I won’t ever force you to tell me something you don’t want to, Libra.” The girl reached behind her head, unfastening her bun and letting the hair fall loose. Light silver curls framed her delicate face as violet eyes stared up at him expectantly.  

Libra found himself obliging, rising from his seat and practically collapsing next to her on the rough mattress she’d created. He lay on his back beside her, his eyes locked to hers the entire time. She smiled down at him and he returned the gesture, genuinely, as he reached a hand up to brush locks of hair away from her face.

Everything about her presence soothed him. He forgot about his past, the pain, about _everything_. It was as though each moment with her was a new day, a new beginning of his life.

 

For a while, the two simply sat in complete silence. The tactician continued rummaging through her pockets and Libra couldn’t suppress the smile that spread his lips as he wondered just _how_ big her coat was. It seemingly held everything she needed –but in the most disorganized way. He’d only seen the inside briefly, but the number of pockets was unnecessary. After a little while, she sighed as she pulled an apple from a lower section of her coat and placed it between them.

If he wanted it, they would sit in complete silence for the whole night. She didn’t expect him to say anything on the matter of his scars –she’d never force the information out of him. Libra loved her for that.

 

“My parents abandoned me as a child.” He began quietly, his gaze locked to hers. When she remained silent –he chose to continue. “I can’t say I know the reason why… I assume they just couldn’t care for me anymore. Truthfully, I’ve stopped asking myself _why_.

“I’ve always wanted to believe it was because they _couldn’t_ …but a part of me believes that they just didn’t care. I was a nuisance in their eyes and they hated the very fact I was born into this world.”

 

He rolled over, so that he faced away from her, “my father had to pry me off my mother. It was how I got…” His eyes widened as he felt the girl lie down beside him on the cot, her hand resting on his elbow. Memories flooded his mind; his heart painfully pounding against his chest and the monk closed his eyes. The wound on his neck was still very much raw and he could almost still feel the blood oozing out again, the feeling of the knife… “The next thing I knew… I was alone.”

 

“What about now?” she wondered, her voice barely audible over the noise coming from outside. “Are you alone now?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted sadly. “I’d like to think I’m not…” Despite being a man of Faith, sometimes he questioned if he’d devoted himself to Naga in desperation. The more he convinced himself that someone was watching over him… the less alone he’d felt.

 

“I’m always here.”

He watched as she tugged on a silver braid, noticing the small glass beads attached to it. Some were sapphire coloured and others were silver clasps with motifs engraved in them. Libra had never noticed them before. Violet eyes rose to meet his, round and curious in the lamplight of his tent.

“What about you?” Libra wanted to focus on something else aside from himself in that moment.

Sensing his need, she answered, “I _was_ alone.” then smiled, “Everything prior to when I was found in the field is a blur in my mind… I’d like to think that my existence now is much happier, so I don’t need to remember anything I might miss from my past. You have all become my family…” With a sigh, the girl closed her eyes. Libra noted the look of content on her face as she pulled her scarf up more securely around her neck.  

 

“All of us…” Libra mumbled, rolling onto his back so that his eyes stared up at the ceiling of his tent.

“Mhm…” she sighed, “it’ll be sad when this is all over…”

“Where will you go?” he wondered.

She frowned in the dim lamplight of the tent, “good question. I suppose joining the Shepherd’s officially will be a good start… I don’t really know, to be honest. Maybe I’ll travel.”

“Surely, Lord Chrom will see to it that you’re well treated. You’ll be a hero after this.”

She shrugged. “I don’t need him to spoil me.”

 

He waited a few moments before asking, rather quietly and unsurely, “Do… do you fancy him?”

“Chrom?” a slight blush blossomed on her cheeks, “what a strange question, Libra…”

Libra felt his heart, quite literally, plummeting into the deepest depths of a dark abyss at the sight of her cheeks, “Do you?” he repeated.

Her expression twisted, “I’m not sure. I’ve never really truly considered it, Libra.” She sat up, looking at him. “War has a way of playing with emotions. What I feel towards Chrom might be nothing more than a deep concern for my best friend… you know? I haven’t looked at anyone… in that sort of way, since there was no knowing who would and wouldn’t come back.”

 

Libra dropped the subject, not wanting to discuss the prince anymore and their conversation slowly returned to ordinary matters. She did not question his odd inquiry, but the monk sensed her discomfort on the subject. Her feelings were evidently conflicted –war was _not_ the time to think about romance… not in the slightest. Libra felt stupid for even allowing himself to…

He wanted to enjoy the few moments he had left with the girl before they returned to their lives, so he cast away any conflicting thoughts. Eventually, he saw her relax into the cot and speak freely with him. Her laugh brought a smile to his lips and he listened as she carefully explained her future plans to him. Libra listened intently, but his mind wandered. Truthfully, he had no idea what he would do as soon as they returned to the capital.

In the morning, he felt the rustling of her coat as she rolled off the makeshift bed. Libra remained perfectly still as he listened to her yawn and groan about the ungodly hour. She left the tent without a word. It would be the last he saw of her for quite a while.


	2. Away

Following their return, Libra heard very little of the young woman. She practically disappeared into the bustling city life as the capital rejoiced over Chrom’s coronation and the monk felt lost and utterly alone in the whirlwind. News of the king taking a wife left him cold and Libra had not the will discover the woman’s identity –for he knew it would end in heartbreak. It was, without a doubt, the young tactician he had come to admire and love so much. And so, the man left in order to reconnect with the god he had seemingly lost focus on.

Often he found himself traveling all over, offering prayers to those who needed them most…But the girl’s words hung heavy in his mind and the monk found the words escaping his lips to be emptier than they had ever been.

_I’m always here._

What a lie.

 

It was an early winter morning when he felt compelled to return to the capital, an off feeling in his heart as he watched the sun rise over the mountains. The sight only made him more nervous and the monk departed very quickly. The journey back was made in haste and Libra discovered himself not to be the only one to have felt in such a way. Many others from the army joined him.

Their suspicions had been correct –Chrom immediately greeted them and explained his intention to greet the new king of Plegia. Libra had quickly noted the presence of their tactician by his side. She had leaned over to whisper something in the king’s ear, their closeness familiar as always, and Libra had averted his eyes upon the sight of her cradling a young baby in her arms.

So, that’s how it was.

Libra avoided the girl like the plague –he was positive she hadn’t noticed him among the men and women gathered to join them on their journey to Plegia. The monk blended into the crowd and remained distant from all those he’d come to know in the war. Of course, he’d hoped she hadn’t…

 

But one night, after a number of fights, he heard the familiar rustling of her coat and over joyous exclamations near his tent and Libra braced himself. The work on his desk was quickly stuffed into a bag as he leapt to his bed, hoping she would not recognize him if he feigned sleep. He’d been praying to Naga not to run into her…

As he lay in a way he was sure she would not see his face, he heard her ask:

“Have any of you seen Libra?” Her voice was still the same –melodic and soothing to the ear.

“Who?” one asked, “Never heard of someone by that name.”

“Oh,” was all she answered, evidently disappointed. But she tried again, “He has Blonde hair and green eyes –a monk.” She added hopefully as he closed his eyes, listening to the men mumbling and whispering amongst themselves.

“The girly one!” someone exclaimed, and it took all of Libra not to jump from his position to clock him in the jaw. “Yeah, he’s usually in that tent. Haven’t seen him all night though, so I don’t know if he’s in or not.”

The girl thanked him as she took the last few steps towards the tent, Libra counted ten. The gravel of the camp was loud, even with all the bustling and singing, and the monk dreaded every second.

 

“Libra?” she called, “are you in?”

He remained utterly still in the silence of his tent. The girl shifted on her feet, likely trying to get a peak inside.

“Ah, I suppose you’re probably walking around…” she trailed off, “Oh geez, I sound crazy talking to myself… uh, oh gods why am I continuing?” The sound of her retreating steps left him sad and he was once more reminded of how alone he was.

 

It was the sight of the one named Morgan that had caught him off guard. The child had practically crushed himself to the tactician following the battle where they had met, yelling something about the woman being his mother. The expression on her face had matched the entire army’s –utter confusion.

Morgan was not the first child from the future they had encountered, but the mere idea of time travel left most of them baffled. Lucina had been among the first and had admitted her only intention was to change the course of the future –to ensure that their world did not end up like hers.

 

What confused Libra the most was the child’s hair colour. It was blonde.

If the boy truly were her child… surely, his hair would be blue like his father’s or silver like his mother’s? He hardly looked like Lucina…

 

As Libra wandered back towards his tent one evening, he felt the tugging of hands at his clothes. He stared down, met with the wide, excited, eyes of Morgan.

“I’ve found you!” he chirped, “I’ve been looking all over. Mother too.”

“Excuse me…?” Libra frowned, “did you need something?”

“Don’t you recognize me?” Morgan pouted before realizing, “ah, I keep forgetting…” He lowered his eyes to the ground sadly; his hands clenched into small fists as he bit his lower lip.

 

Libra led the child into his tent as he found his curiosity piqued. Clearly, there was something the boy knew and wished to share with the monk. Morgan stared around the tent with familiarity –as if recognizing everything he saw. He walked up to the desk where the monk had left some of his work, running a hand along a particular drawing. Nostalgia was clear in his eyes, Libra watched in interest as the boy’s eyes filmed with unshed tears.

Without a word or sob, the boy circled the tent once more in silence before turning to the cot.

Libra couldn’t help but laugh when Morgan collapsed onto the cot, much like his mother. The boy stretched his arms out with a sigh of content.

 

“I’ve missed this!” the child whispered, “spending time with you always makes me happy…I think.”

 

Libra shrugged sheepishly, “this would be the first time for me.”

“Ah, yeah…” Morgan nodded. “I guess so.”

 

“We spent time together in your world?” the monk took a seat on a crate, his eyes staring out the flap of the tent.

“All the time!” the boy answered with a fond smile, before frowning, “you…what’s your relationship with mother in this world?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you and mother…” Morgan’s expression looked pained as something seemingly dawned on him, “aren’t you together…? You and mother… I’m…”

 

Libra closed his eyes –the mere thought that in Morgan’s world, she and Libra were together, was shocking. He looked away, “no. I’m afraid we’re nothing more than friends. I believe she’s married to Chrom in this world.”

“It can’t be!” Morgan practically screamed and the monk jumped in shock, “She _wasn’t_ supposed to love him!” He ran small hands through his golden locks, green eyes wide in panic as he tried to make sense of what was happening around him.

It was Libra’s turn to shout, his temper finally breaking as he whirled back to the boy, “the future has been altered! Fate and destiny are not set in stone –don’t be so _childish_! I can’t turn back the time and travel between worlds; it’s too late to tell her how I _feel_! ”

 

Morgan released a broken sob as Libra sank down to his knees, breath ragged. It was too late. He had waited far too long –the consequences of his choice paving the way for a completely different future. In this world he’d chosen to hold his tongue and let her go. He’d lost…

The boy’s hand on his made him jump, his eyes slowly rose to meet Morgan’s teary ones.

“I’m sorry, Morgan.” Libra whispered sadly, “I’m so sorry.”

 

“What are you two _doing_?”

Both of them turned to look over their shoulders, finally noticing the tactician in the entrance. Her overall dishevelled state hadn’t changed in all the time Libra had known her, despite being a queen. She stared between them both for a long while, something visibly clicking in her mind. The hands on her hips slowly dropped, loosely hanging on either side of her. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes as she shook her head.

“It’s impossible…” her breath hitched.

Libra inhaled deeply, “Morgan. In your world, what was the relationship between your mother and I?”

It seemed redundant to ask, but Libra wanted the answer from the boy’s lips. He _was_ from the future.

“You’re… my parents…”

 

Following the discovery, everything between them was awkward. Chrom was under the impression that Morgan was his child and paraded about the camp announcing as much. Lucina had been forced, upon the three begging her, to pretend as though it were true. But Morgan and Lucina could not bring themselves to act as siblings and spent much time apart –despite Chrom’s insistence to bring them together.

The charade held no flaws and the entire army was quickly convinced of Morgan’s fake heritage.

Simple conversations ended in silence between Libra and the tactician, and they would part more upset than anything. She never knew what to tell him and practically broke down into tears over the guilt she felt. Even Libra found he could no longer look her in the eye without blaming her.

But he was mostly angry with himself –for allowing himself to remain on the sideline and lying to himself. He’d loved her so much that he’d convinced himself that watching her from afar had been enough for him.

 

Morgan seemed troubled over the matter as well; he tried to spend equal times with both of his parents but they noted the way his overall demeanour gloomed in their presence. He would trail off in his conversations or stare at one of his parents sadly –realizing the future he wanted so badly to be real, would never become reality. He would never grow up knowing warmth and love from _both_ his parents. He had likely travelled to his world with the hope of reuniting with them and to ensure his existence. But, as Libra would later realize, in this timeline and world... the young boy 'Morgan', would not exist. 

 

But even in this world, the tactician they had all come to love would not live past their final battle. She would never grow old. She would never spend the remainder of her life with her husband. She would never hug her children or kiss them goodnight. The family life she had often envisioned for herself had been ripped from her grasp. 

Her destiny had long ago been decided and made inevitable. Death was the only thing awaiting her. Libra could not bring himself to believe that Naga had chosen such a sick and twisted life for a girl so full of life and kindness. She deserved something far better than being Grima’s vessel.

 

He watched her final moments beside Morgan, the child clinging to him and screaming against his side. Her last breaths were not meant for him –they were for Chrom in this life. Libra watched, enviously, as the king crouched over her and cradled her in his arms as he sobbed. Future Lucina backed away respectfully, her eyes wandering over to where Morgan stood and she offered him a sad look. It was evident that she could not bring herself to pretend in front of him like she had before to keep the secret from spreading. It was too disrespectful.

 

As Libra was about to turn away, he heard her call his name. Morgan tensed beside him and the monk looked up at her. No words were exchanged between them in those  seconds, but her eyes said everything.

 

_I’m sorry._

_He’s your family._

 

He was too shocked to hear her utter her last few words.

 

Following her passing, Morgan and Libra disappeared completely. The boy had refused to live out his new life in a lie and had chosen to remain with his true father. A search warrant had gone out for the monk and the child within the first few weeks –Chrom evidently was never made aware of the truth- but the two managed to sneak their way around the continent without being caught. Eventually, when months turned to years, there was no one left to chase them and the two chose to reside in a small village chapel.

 

And every night, as Libra checked in on his sleeping son, he wished that circumstances had been different for them. He realized that even if he _had_ confessed his love to the beautiful silver-haired woman, her death would have been inevitable. One way or another she would have left them. Destiny, in that prospect, had been set in stone for her.

So, instead, he chose to thank the gods that in another life, she had loved him and their son had come to this world in search of them. Libra felt utterly blessed to have Morgan by his side and enjoyed every moment, as he had with her. He noticed with every day that went by, Morgan grew more and more to be like his mother and all his mannerisms were hers –every little quirk.

 

Libra always found himself smiling fondly. For once in his life, he had almost everything.

But more than anything, he was not alone. What she had left him was family –something he had never known. She had entrusted their child to him and Libra would forever be grateful for that. In some ways, her words had become truth. 

_"I'll always be here."_

 

As he stood at the front of the chapel and stared up into the stained glass window depicting some holy event, he recalled what she had said before disappearing –a smile upon her lips as her fading eyes had been focused on him alone.

 

_“May we meet in another life, my love.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> I felt rather sad writing this request... it was meant to be bittersweet, which I hope it is.


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